I didn't break down because I was angry. I caved because I was feeling guilty. The guilt of wanting something so badly that I know I don't deserve. Everyday we chase relentlessly after our dreams. We work day and night, and sometimes we think we were machines, feeding on that idea of success as our only fuel for the day because hey they said all hard work would pay off didn't they? Getting there is an uphill task but no one said it was gonna be easy. The real problem though, is what do we do with the pot of gold when it finally became ours.
Before we answered that million-dollar question, we are like mice chasing aimlessly for that block of cheese. Then a loving figure comes up to you to give you an encouragement amidst the crazy studying and you lose your temper because you felt annoyed - annoyed at the fact that you had to study till your brains are fried but there still weren't guarantee that you are gonna succeed. And you vent your anger on someone else. And the question came - why do you want to do what you wanna do. Sounds deep? It is actually extremely simple. If you wanna be an investment banker, why that profession? Why aim to live in Sentosa Cove or drive that Lamborghini? Why do you want to move to The Big Apple? These things - they are goals that most people unanimously agree on, but what do you want them for?
For me, I finally realised why I am yearning to move overseas. It gives me a chance to start afresh, to abandon the life and impressions that people have of me and start somewhere where no one knew who I was. I would love to think that I don't have a sign that says "LOSER" or such dangling above my head, but I was not the happiest person either. Conformity and societal expectations bore me, sky high standards of living turn me off and I came to understand that I don't try a single bit to fit in, I am hoping to find an environment that would suit me instead.
But don't you get it, Mom, I want to leave this place that is weighing me down. That is my motivating factor that keeps me going. And there you stood, telling me you'd support it no matter what it takes because I was your babygirl...
